Learning to Walk Again

January 31, 2019

One week before my companion animal’s death, I tore both of my hamstrings, requiring that first, I stop moving, and second, I re-learn how to walk through life without causing myself irreparable harm. So, too, without Kona, I felt as though I had, metaphorically, been taken out at the knees.

Without her, I had to stop. I could not move forward. Who am I in this life without her? Without the bright, cheerful girl who played with her toys so patiently while I worked. The girl who made everybody smile. The silly girl that danced on her back to get attention- who loved summersaults and stinky smells. Without those moment-to-moment doses of joy, how the hell was I supposed to put on foot in front of the other?

With time, I had to try. I had to learn how to move through life without my darling, my happiness, my joy. The thing is, though, that this beautiful girl was more than my best friend. She was my angel, my sweet friend that rescued me from myself. And, in her death, she could no longer walk. She could not carry on in her body by my side. And so, when I feel her next to me, always on my right side, I wonder if she is really there- in some other dimension, body-less and free to continue watching over me the way she always has. I look to my right, and I swear I can see her looking back at me with her amazing amber eyes.

I will miss her furry touch forever. Until then, I will attempt to be just like her- kind, patient, unapologetically loving. I will fail. But I will make the attempt, nonetheless.

Thank you, sweet Kona. Thank you so much.

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