December 11, 2018
Your insecurities are your responsibility. When you doubt your relationships, those doubts are yours- and yours alone.
To be whole, to be fully responsible for your own emotional landscape, you must be able to acknowledge when you’ve let fear worry, or doubt take the wheel. When you’ve chosen doubt over trust, worry over faith, or fear over love, those choices are yours and yours alone. It is not your partner’s responsibility to change your emotional state- that is codependency.
It is your responsibility to notice when fear-based thinking and negative rumination come into your field of consciousness. What event or lack thereof precipitated your worry spiral? Is it possible that your worries aren’t rooted in fact? That possibly, your worries come from feeling how open and vulnerable you are? Have you subconsciously felt how exposed you are in your relationship and your worries have come in to “save the day,” to encourage you to close yourself off again and not risk being hurt? Have your worries come in to trick you into believing that you are in danger, when in reality, your fears are what are actually most at-risk? For to take the step to remain open in the face of fear is to not give fears power, to not give them life.
Facing your fears does not mean being fearless, on the contrary- facing your fears means having deep enough faith in your self to know that you can see a fear and sit with it long enough to hear what it actually wants to tell you. At first, fear yells like a spoiled child, tantrum-ridden and resisting your attempted commands. Then, in time, fear becomes more articulate. It expresses itself in a way that you, the observer, can begin to understand and for which you can have compassion. Fear mostly wants to protect you. Fear loves you and wants the best possible outcome for you- survival.
And so, when you are growing, becoming a different and more evolved version of yourself- fear starts to speak up, because until this point, you’ve never walked through life as this new version of you. It will require time, energy, and patience for you to get used to a new status quo- and since you’ve survived well enough until this point in time, fear speaks up to ask- is this change really worth it? It’s your responsibility to educate your fear. To say, “I hear you, and thank you for caring enough about me to warn me.” Remind your fear that you know it will approach you when your life actually is at risk, but remind it that growth is not something to fear. Never growing, however, is.
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