November 22, 2021

It was cold out there by the ocean- harsh winds trying their best to not have a slapping effect on our faces and hands. Caffeine, music, and dancing flooded the 7 and 8 o’clock hours. Then, I began to drop into stillness. The stillness invited the driftwood to make its way up from my oceanic underbelly to the surface of my emotional waters. I am carrying pain, at least in this moment, in the space above my belly and below my heart. It’s there like a child, who’s been wounded but looks to its mother to gage just how badly. I see her grief.

She wishes so badly for a reality that can never be. She holds on to her pain, thinking that if she keeps it safe and preserved, like a treasure, she can one day show it to the man who gave it to her. “Here, take this,” he said as he walked out the door, leaving behind his biggest fan and handing her a weighty amulet. With nothing but this heavy amulet to recall the days when he loved her, when he was there, she woke up each morning and strapped it to her chest. It was too heavy for the weight of her slight neck to hold up on its own. “I will wear this spiritual accessory like a badge of honor, like a signpost for him, if he were ever to return. That way, even if I look different, grow, or change, if he comes back he will see it and take it back from me,” she thought to herself.

Every day and every night, she wore the heavy chest piece, thinking that he would come back one day and lighten her load.

Many years passed, and she grew up with this amulet bound to her chest, weighing heavy on her heart and lungs. She mostly forgot she was wearing it, as her bones and muscles grew around it, because of it. Her back became strong to withstand its weight but the daily fatigue she felt from carrying it prevented her from joyful activities. Dancing, climbing trees, and playing were made all-the-more challenging as she continued, day in and day out, to uphold this man’s parting gift. Everywhere she went, she wondered if he might one day appear, recognize it, and take it off of her hands, off her heart. She grew increasingly unaware of the amount of life-force energy this amulet required. Even in her closest relationships, she could not see how this barrier prevented her from fully connected with another human heart. Every hug, every embrace would be thwarted- this barrier coming, constantly, between her and the world. The pain of the weight grew so immense; she began to panic, wondering if she’d ever be rid of the sorrow. She asked every other man she’d grown close to if they could free her, but none could. Not even the man who’d given it to her, oh so many moons ago, had the power to set her free.

One day, years later, she sat under the morning light, next to a blossoming flower tree. By a stroke of divine love and grace, the amulet began to loosen its grip around her chest. With less of a firm hold on this woman, who in many ways still felt like a little girl, she was able to softly, with the last of her physical strength, release this amulet back to the earth- an offering, and ending. The earth opened its land up, creating a soft hole, deep enough for the burial. As she leaned forward, the amulet fell from her heart into the warm, fertile land below. She fell backwards onto the grass, as the earth closed itself over the 23-year-old object. “I’ve got it from here,” the Earth said to both the woman and to the little girl, who were suddenly standing together, hand-in-hand. They looked at each other, and in a moment of exaltation, embraced each other fully for the first time in 23 years. No barriers. No pain. Just the loving, relieved energy of two souls in one, who just completed the journey of a lifetime together.

Aged and wise now, many years later, she sits on a wooden rocking chair, on a wooden deck, overlooking a rich garden and wide-open landscape. Her eyes are closed as she feels the warm, steady breeze brushing up against her left cheek. She remembers every thing. She holds the energetic memory of every experience she’s ever had in that same spot, underneath where the amulet once rested. A small scar ensures those who see it will know of her journey, without her having to speak about it ever again. She begins to smile, moved to the depths of her core with gratitude and support. As she opens her eyes, she is met by a Technicolor soul- a being with no name. He ushers her forward. A new life has begun.

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